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Uthando lusisiseko sayo nayiphi na into ubudlelwane bezothando , kodwa oko akuthethi ukuba kuza ngaphandle kokusebenza nzima. Ngelixa kunokuvakala ngathi yinto nje, ukuba nobudlelwane obusempilweni kufuna ukuthembana, ukuzibophelela kunye nokuzimisela. Kodwa, ngo-2021, iimpawu zobudlelwane obusempilweni zithathe intsingiselo entsha ngokupheleleyo phakathi kweziganeko ezinje ubhubhane wecoronavirus kunye neentshukumo zobulungisa kwezentlalo. Ngapha koko, ngokujolisa ngokutsha kwingxelo yothando lokuzithanda, 'into yethu eqhelekileyo' ibuyiselwe kwimozulu yangoku. Ngenxa yoko, ichaphazela phantse zonke iinkalo zobomi bemihla ngemihla-ngakumbi ubudlelwane bokuthandana.
Ukuba ukhe wazibuza ngokuchanekileyo ukuba ungaba njani nolwalamano olusempilweni, silapha ukunceda. Sibethe iingcali zeshishini ukuphula indlela ubudlelwane obunempilo obukhangeleka ngayo ngonyaka ka-2021. Babelana ngeempawu ezingundoqo ezibonisa ukomelela kobambiswano lwakho, kunye neendlela ezisebenzayo zokuphucula unxibelelwano lwakho ukukunika uthando ohleli uphupha ukuba nalo.
Kule nqaku:
Buyintoni ubudlelwane obusempilweni?
Ekugqibeleni, ubudlelwane bujongeka ngokwahlukileyo kwisibini ngasinye. Uluhlu lwakho lweempawu ezingathethelekiyo zinokwahluka kulezo zomhlobo wakho osenyongweni okanye ilungu losapho. Uthando luthatha iindlela ezininzi, kwaye indlela 'elungileyo' yokuba nobudlelwane ayisoloko imnyama namhlophe. Ngaphandle koku, kukho iimpawu ezimbalwa kwindalo yonke yentsebenziswano esempilweni ekufuneka uyijongile.
Ngokwe-Knot 2021 Self-Love & Stress Study, ethe yavavanya ngaphezulu kwama-500 abasetyhini-abachonga abaphenduli abaneminyaka eyi-18-29, eyona miqondiso ibalulekileyo yobudlelwane obusempilweni yeyona nto unokuyilindela. Xa uceliwe ukuba udwelise ezona mpawu zine ziphambili, i-62% ikhethe ukuthembela njengenombolo yokuqala. Unxibelelwano lwadweliswa ngokulandelayo, ngama-58% abaphenduli abalubeka njengowona mgangatho ubalulekileyo ubalulekileyo, olandelwa kukunyaniseka kwi-46% kunye nenhlonipho kwi-43%. Ezinye iinkcazo zibandakanya ukonwaba / ukonwabela inkampani yomnye nomnye, ukuzibophelela, inkxaso, ukuba nexabiso ekwabelwana ngalo kunye nokuzithanda.
Ngaphandle kobukho bezi mpawu, ubudlelwane abuyi kuba sempilweni. Kwaye nokuba ukhetha ntoni, ukuba nolwalamano olusempilweni kuthetha ukuba nakho ukuthembela kwiqabane lakho kwaye uzive wamkelekile nokuba ungathini. 'Xa usebudlelwaneni obusempilweni, kufuneka uzive ngathi iqabane lakho lingoyena mhlobo wakho usenyongweni,' utsho UKimberly Panganiban, uLMFT kunye negalelo kwi Ukukhetha Unyango . Ulwalamano lwakho alufanelanga ukuba lube sisizathu soxinzelelo. Kuya kufuneka uzive uxhaswa ngokwasemphefumlweni, kwaye kubalulekile ukuba uzive ungavula, uziveze kwaye ube ungubani kanye kanye. '
Nokuba wena neqabane lakho nineempawu neenkolelo ezahlukeneyo, nisenokuba nolwalamano olusempilweni. Okona kubaluleke kakhulu, nangona kunjalo, kukuba ninenkxaso engagungqiyo kunye nentlonelo omnye komnye. 'Singafumana amaqabane athandanayo anexabiso elingafaniyo, iintlobo zobuntu, okanye izinto esabelana ngazo,' utsho UGqirha Meaghan Rice, PsyD, LPC . Kodwa, yintoni echaza ukulunga kukwazi ukujonga iqabane lakho kwaye uthi, 'Andifani nawe, kodwa uzisa olona hlobo lubalaseleyo lwam ngokuxhasa ukungafani kwethu.' '
Ezona mpawu ziqhelekileyo zoBudlelwane beMpilo
Ke, unabo njani ubudlelwane obuphilileyo? Kuthatha umzamo olinganayo kuwo omabini amaqabane, ngakumbi kwimanyano yexesha elide. Kwaye, ngelixa umntu ngamnye eneseti yakhe yemigangatho yempumelelo, kukho izinto ezimbalwa ezihambelana nolwalamano olusempilweni oluya kukunceda ubone ukuba imeko okuyo iyakukhonza na, esiyaphuleyo apha ngezantsi.
Ubeka phambili uNxibelelwano
Isifundo sethu sifumanise ukuba unxibelelwano yenye yezona zinto zibalulekileyo kulwalamano olusempilweni, kwaye iingcali ziyavuma-kodwa uthetha ngantoni nendlela osondela ngayo kwezo ncoko zibalulekile. Xa bebuzwa ukuba bakhethe ezona zihloko zibalulekileyo zokuxoxa neqabane, i-67% yabaphenduli bathi izigqibo zobomi ezinkulu (njengokufumana abantwana, ukuthenga indlu, ukufumana isilwanyana sasekhaya, njl. Imiba yobudlelwane yayiyeyona ndlela yesibini ithandwa kakhulu, ngama-65% besithi kubalulekile ukuthetha ngayo. Iinjongo zakho kunye neminqweno yakho, iimeko zosapho kunye nemali / uhlahlo-lwabiwo mali zizalise ezona zinto zintlanu zibalulekileyo zokuxoxa neqabane lakho.
Kodwa, nangona abantu besazi ukuba kubalulekile ukunxibelelana ngezi zihloko, akusoloko kulula. Uphando lwethu lufumanise ukuba i-26% yabaphenduli ithe yayinoxinzelelo ukuthetha ngemicimbi yobudlelwane, ngelixa i-24% yayisokola ukuthetha ngoxinzelelo, kwaye i-21% yabona kunzima ukuzisa zombini iimeko zosapho kunye nezemali / uhlahlo-lwabiwo mali.
Ngelixa kungaziva kunzima ukuya kwincoko enzima, ukukwazi ukwenza njalo yenye yeempawu eziphambili zobudlelwane obusempilweni- nokuba awusoloko ubona ngasonye. NjengoGottman Therapist oqinisekisiweyo, umsebenzi kaPanganiban ujikeleze kwizifundo zikaGqirha John Gottman, umphandi wezengqondo kunye nogqirha ochithe ngaphezulu kweminyaka engamashumi amane esebenza kuqikelelo loqhawulo-mtshato kunye nokuzinza emtshatweni. Uphando lukaGottman lubonisa ukuba abantu abatshatileyo abonwabileyo bangathetha ngokwahluka kwabo ngendlela enokubanceda baqondane ngcono, uyacacisa uPanganiban. 'Xa unokuliqonda iqabane lakho, kuhlala kukho inqanaba lokwamkelwa. Uphuma kwingqondo 'elungileyo ngokuchasene nokungalunganga' kwaye unokwamkela ukuba izimvo zabo zahlukile, ezivula ithuba lokulalanisa. '
Uphawula ukuba ukuzama ukutshintsha izimvo zeqabane lakho kuhlala kunokubangela ukungavisisani — kwaye ngamanye amaxesha kungasombululeki. Oku kukhokelela kwingxwabangxwaba kunye nembambano, kwaye ekugqibeleni izibini ziyaxinaniswa, 'uyongeza. Amaxesha amaninzi azifakwanga njengoko zivakalelwa, kodwa loo meko ikhokelela kwezinye izibini ukuba zinqamle kwaye ziphile ubomi obulinganayo.
Ukuthintela oku, beka phambili unxibelelwano kwaye uvulekele ukulalanisa. 'Uphando lukaGottman lufumanise ukuba zonke izibini zineengxaki ezingapheliyo,' utshilo uPanganiban, oko kuthetha ukuba akunakulindeleka ukuba baqhubeke nobudlelwane. Nokuba ungakunye nabani, uya kuba noluhlu lokwahluka kwaye ungavumelani kwezinye izinto. Injongo kukuba izibini zibachonge kwangethuba kwaye babone ukuba zizinto abanokuhlala nazo, kwaye bazoyise ezinye. '
Ufumana iindlela ezintsha zokudibanisa ngokweemvakalelo
Abantu bahlala bekhuthaza izibini ukuba ziqhubeke zithandane, kwaye kunesizathu esivakalayo. Kuyenzeka ukuba ugcine ubudlelwane bakho kwisigaba se-honeymoon serendipitous, nasemva kokuba nikunye ixesha elide. Ngapha koko, ukufumana iindlela ezintsha zokwazana yeyona ndlela iphambili ekubekeni phambili impilo kunye nobomi obude bobudlelwane bakho.
Ukwengeza kwi ukucwangcisa ubusuku bemini rhoqo ngaphandle kweziphazamiso, iingcali zicebisa ukufumana iindlela ezintsha zokunxibelelana ngokweemvakalelo. Ndikhuthaza izibini ukuba zifumane izithethe zonxibelelwano, ezingamanqaku ahlukeneyo emini apho banokuthi banxibelelane ngabom, 'ucebisa uPanganiban. Kubalulekile ukuhlala phantsi uthethe ngendlela ofuna ukunxibelelana ngayo yonke imihla ngeendlela ezincinci. Akunyanzelekanga ukuba ibaluleke, kodwa amanqaku amancinci oxhulumaniso angenza umohluko omkhulu. '
Kwezinye izibini, oko kunokuthetha ukusela ikofu kunye ekuseni ngaphambi kokuphangela okanye ukutya isidlo sangokuhlwa kunye rhoqo ngokuhlwa. Kodwa kwabanye, kunokubandakanya ukubukela umboniso weTV rhoqo, ukujoyina iklabhu kunye, okanye ukwenza into oyithandayo niyithandayo. Ngokubeka iinzame zokwenza rhoqo ixesha lomnye nomnye, unxibelelwano lwakho luya kukhula kuphela ngokuhamba kwexesha.
Ukulungele ukuLungelelanisa kwiiyantlukwano
Ungquzulwano luyindalo kulo lonke ulwalamano, ngakumbi kwabo bebekhe bahlala kunye ixesha elide. Kwaye ngelixa ingeyonto imbi ukuyenza Andivumelani neqabane lakho , Kuya kufuneka uphathe iiyantlukwano zakho ngobabalo nangokukhula. Ngapha koko, indlela osombulula ngayo ungquzulwano luphawu lobudlelwane obusempilweni. 'Into ebalulekileyo ekuqondeni ubudlelwane obunempilo okanye obungenampilo yinto eyenzekayo ngexesha leengxabano okanye ukungavisisani,' utshilo uPanganiban. 'Kwanaxa kungquzulwano, izibini kufuneka zibene-one-five ratio: kuwo wonke umzuzu ombi okanye imvakalelo, kufanelekile ukuba uchonge izinto ezintlanu ezilungileyo ezingaphezulu kokubi. Ukwaphawula ukuba, ngelixa abanye abantu belindele ukuba ungquzulwano lukhokelele kwiimvakalelo ezibuhlungu, akufuneki kube njalo. Endaweni yoko, izibini kufuneka zixhasane ngokuzithemba kunye novelwano nokuba zisebenza ngamaxesha anzima. 'Kubalulekile ukumamela iimvakalelo zomnye nomnye nokuxhasana ngelixa sisebenza ngezinto kunye,' uyongeza.
Ukulungela ukulwela impilo yobudlelwane bakho luphawu lokwenyani lonxibelelwano oluqinileyo, oluhlala ixesha elide. 'Ukuba nobudlelwane obunempilo konke malunga nokuzimisela ukulungelelanisa nokukhusela ubudlelwane ngaphezu kwabo bonke abanye abangeneleli,' ucacisa uRice. 'Umhlaba ubeka uxinzelelo kubudlelwane ngalo lonke ixesha, kodwa kuncinci malunga noxinzelelo lwangaphandle nangakumbi malunga nokulwa kwangaphakathi ukulwela omnye nomnye.'
Uyayiqonda indlela iqabane lakho elibonisa ngayo imvakalelo
Ukuba nenqanaba ekwabelwana ngalo lokuvuthwa ngokweemvakalelo yenye yeempawu eziphambili ekufuneka uzijongile kwiqabane othandana nalo. Ayisiyi kukuqinisekisa nje ukuba wena neqabane lakho niyangqinelana neenqobo ezisemgangathweni kunye neenjongo, ukuba nemvo ekwabelwana ngayo yokuvuthwa ngokweemvakalelo kuya kukunceda uvakalise iingcinga zakho kunye neemvakalelo zakho ngendlela evakalayo komnye. Ndihlala ndikhuthaza abantu ukuba bajonge iqabane elinokukhula ngokweemvakalelo, utshilo uPanganiban. Ukuba nezimvo ezahlukeneyo ngendlela yokuchaza iimvakalelo kunokuba nefuthe kubudlelwane, kunye nokunxibelelana kwabantu abatshatileyo mihla le. Ngokufanelekileyo, ufuna iqabane onokuba kulo kwiphepha elinye kunye naye xa kuziwa ekuvakaliseni iimvakalelo. '
Irayisi iyayiphinda le nto, isithi ngelixa iqabane lakho lingaziqondi zonke iimvakalelo zakho kulwalamano olusempilweni, kuya kufuneka bakwazi ukuvelana nawe. Ukuphindaphinda ngokweemvakalelo yinto ebalulekileyo kubuntu ekufuneka uyijongile kwiqabane othandana nalo, uyachaza. 'Sihlala sifuna umntu onokuzibeka ezicathulweni zethu kwaye ayive intlungu yethu okanye ukonwaba ngokwaneleyo ukuba angayixhasa.'
Ke, nokuba wena neqabane lakho nivakalisa ngokwahlukileyo, kubalulekile ukuba nazi ukuba niza kuxhasana njani ngeendlela ezinengqiqo kwiimfuno zakho. Ukuba uyakwazi ukwenza njalo, uyakwenza isiseko somanyano oluhlala ixesha elide nolusempilweni.
Nobabini ninemizwa eyomeleleyo yothando lwenu
Wakhe waxelelwa ukuba kufuneka uzithande ngaphambi kokuba uthande omnye umntu? Esi siqwenga esiqhelekileyo sokuthandana sinokuvakala njengesiqhelo, kodwa siyasebenza. Ngokwophononongo lwethu, i-79% yabaphenduli bavumile ukuba kufuneka uzithande ngaphambi kokuba uthande omnye umntu-kwaye iingcali ziyaliqinisekisa eli bango. 'Kukho umahluko omkhulu kwimilinganiselo yobudlelwane nabantu abazithandayo nabazithandayo,' utsho uRice. 'Nangona kunokubonakala kumangalisa, amaqabane ethu anomdla wokufanisa uthando lwakho okanye ukuzicekisa esinako ngokwethu.'
Ukuba nolwalamano olusempilweni kukwafuna imeko yokuxhomekeka kwamanye amaqabane. Kubalulekile ukukhuthaza uthando lomntu ngamnye ukuze uzivulele ngokupheleleyo ekwamkeleni uthando kwiqabane ngaphandle kokuphucula imeko yokuxhomekeka kubo. 'Asizukutsala umntu osithandayo ngohlobo lwethu olucacileyo ukuba asizithandi,' utsho uRice. Emva kwayo yonke loo nto, sifundisa abanye, ngakumbi olona lwalamano lusondeleyo, indlela yokusithanda ngeyona ndlela ibalaseleyo. Kwaye siyazi kuphela olo lwazi ukuba sisebenze sodwa. '
Ukuba sele ulwalamano, thetha neqabane lakho malunga nomnqweno wakho wokuphucula indlela ozithanda ngayo. Iziphumo ziya kuba luncedo olukhulu kulwalamano onalo nawe, kunye ne-S.
